From the MLB to D.C.: Your Weekly Briefing

This was definitely one of the slowest weeks of 2017 in regards to political news, but have no fear, several comical events transpired throughout the nation.  Find out who might be named the "worst shoplifter of all time," which baseball player had a really rough start to his season, and why another Clinton is making headlines.

Kohl's Theft: Arrest her/me...
Late Tuesday night, the police in the city of Kent, Ohio, received an interesting call while attending to a disturbance.  A 35-year old woman, identified as Joanne Havens, dialed 911 after getting locked into the local Kohl's department store.  Although, what the woman didn't initially tell the police was that she was shoplifting from the store.  According to video surveillance, Mrs. Havens was caught stealing various items, and hiding in the dressing room until employees locked up for the night.  Once she figured out that she was locked inside the department store, Mrs. Havens tried to play it off as if she was accidentally trapped in the store.  Ironically, the police were already on their way to the store, after the shoplifter triggered the invisible alarms.  Allegedly, Mrs. Havens is a huge fan of the clothing retailer, who's slogan is "Expect Great Things."  Following the incident, it was reported that The White House emailed this pitch to help revive the store's credibility.

Photo Drawn From: The Washington Post

St. Louis Cardinals Home Opening Series: What a hit!
This week the St. Louis Cardinals are hosting the 2016 World Series Champion Chicago Cubs for their home opening series.  While the Cardinals lost 2-1 to the Cubs on Tuesday night, the real headline is coming from Cardinals outfielder Stephen Piscotty.  In the bottom of the fifth inning, Piscotty was hit in the right elbow by a pitch, wailed in the left elbow while stealing second base, and nailed in the head while running home.  While he eventually scored the Cardinals only run of the game, social media went ballistic after this poor ballplayer took a beating all in one inning.  Rumors are circulating that Stephen Piscotty was then contacted by Pitbull, inquiring about his services, considering he hasn't had a hit in years.

Photo Drawn From: The Huffington Post

2020 Election: Trump vs...Clinton??
On Tuesday, Chelsea Clinton hinted at a potential Presidential run in 2020, after being asked who would best be suited to take down President Trump.  While the subject was obviously still a touchy subject for Mrs. Clinton, following the upset election, she stated that an acclaimed Democrat, far removed from current headlines, would be the best candidate.  Chelsea Clinton did state that she is not currently planning on running for office, although she didn't rule out the possibility to redeem the 2016 loss, and dethrone "The Donald."  Well, you all know the saying, if at first...your family loses the most embarrassing election of all time...try, try again!  But more importantly, who will Ivanka vote for?

Photo Drawn From: New York Magazine